Tag: suicide survivor

• I can’t

  I can’t be funny today I can’t be loud and cheery I can’t smile at strangers I can’t wear a mask I can’t respond today I can’t answer the phone I can’t listen to drama I can’t talk I can’t help today I can’t solve any problems I can’t fix your mistakes I can’t rally…

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• Death Cloud

  The sourness is all around Unmistakeable scent of death Tangy and putrid Burning my nose and esophagus It seeps into my lungs Slowly taking over my insides My mouth waters Vomit rises A cloud of stench forms Black wispy hands Reaching for my throat Suffocating slowly It squeezes intensely Lack of air tightens my chest…

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• Grief Equals Exhaustion

  Grief is absolutely exhausting. People usually think that references mental exhaustion, which is also accurate. I’m talking about physical exhaustion. I’m talking about the muscles that contract when trying to hold in tears. The abs you develop trying stop the tears once they start to flow because you’re so fucking tired of uncontrollable crying. The…

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• Death Pact

  Dustin had a darkness to him, beautiful and frightening, most of all, familiar. He was so open about his trauma and suicide attempts. He created a safe space for me to be open about my past and tendencies as well. Dustin never judged me. Nothing was too weird, too scary, too crazy. He embraced my…

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• Ink and Scars

  I was born with blonde hair, blue eyes, a small gap in my teeth, and a LOUD face. I got my first scar in high school when I took a knife to my wrist. It’s a small scar, no one would notice. It’s not visible in photos. Not long after, I started dyeing my hair…

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• 40th Birthday

  I kissed you Goodnight “You’re going to bed 39 And waking up 40!” Like Mommie always told me I snuck downstairs Decorated the whole house 40 purple and green balloons Streamers in every doorway I baked your favorite cake Spice with a can of pumpkin Covered in cream cheese frosting Luke helped, of course I…

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• POEM – Killer Whale

  I’m in a tiny boat Rowing my way across the ocean Underneath me swims a giant whale She’s quiet and terrifying in her beauty Sometimes she nudges the boat A reminder that she’s there Then she swims off Leaving me fairly undisturbed If I forget to speak to her She knocks into the boat Until…

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• Never Will I Ever

  Never will I ever tell another man he’s my favorite Never will I ever cut a man’s hair Never will I ever get addicted to a person Never will I ever stop wearing my rings Never will I ever quit writing to him Never will I ever take his photos down Never will I ever…

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• Suicide is Selfish

  Suicide is so selfish Didn’t he know the pain he caused? He left you all alone He traumatized you yet again I’m the selfish one I wanted him to stay I saw his pain daily Tried to love it away I knew it consumed him Yet still begged him not to leave I pushed it…

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• Inanimate Objects

  Since people started dying around me I’ve felt the need to keep inanimate objects that remind me of them like somehow it’ll bring them back. I’m not talking cute like mementos I’m talking the yellow old feather pillow that’s deflated that my mom used. Or the old vape that leaks from my husband. A bag…

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